I don’t really know where to start here, I guess I can start anywhere. At times when I’m feeling down, I draw myself to tears of frustration from trying to find words to understand my emotions. It’s been a long time since the last time I felt this way. I find it hard to justify feeling sad, when I have so many blessings in my life. I
almost feel guilty for not being happy constantly, because honestly I truly lead a wonderful life.
But we have to remember to be kind to ourselves, and even more importantly, to just BE ourselves-whether we’re in good form or not.
Writers write best when they are sad anyways, me thinks.
I am sad because I am heartbroken again. And although it is not a new feeling, it always hurts more than I remembered, and cuts deeper than I realize. I love avocados. My heart is like an avocado, scooped out and smashed into glop, left in a glass bowl for people to smear on their bagels every morning at work. Wait, no..but those avocados are so good.
Somehow I still cannot control my ability to love and to hope. I can’t believe I still believe in love. Even though I am a bit crazy, selfish and traumatized, I have faith that God still has the perfect man out there for me somewhere. Maybe He’s still waiting for me to learn how to master the art of patience, which I dread may be inherit in my character (impatience), and become the ruin to any forever-type of relationships.
For now at least I can sulk on my futon bed, because I don’t deserve a king sized bed because I am 26 and alone. To be fair, people have survived worse things in life.
VENT SESSION ENDED.
Switching gears, we checked off tons of Oregonian To Do’s during his visit. I was so happy to host and finally show him my hometown as I’ve been rediscovering it myself. There is something magical about watching someone experience a city you love, for the first time. We’ve talked about it for so long, and I’ve been to Ireland three times, so it was due time for Cormac to journey to Portlandia.
I’m out of words for now, and I feel much better. No matter how bad today may have been, tomorrow may be the best day of your life-so just get through.